It is currently Mon Aug 18, 2025 6:33 am

Board indexBoard index » Battle Dawn Forum » Non-Battle Dawn Boards » Off-Topic

All times are UTC - 5 hours



Forum rules


1.) No trolling. If you cant have fun without being a jerk to others, find some other forum to QQ
2.) No inappropriate/vulgar/sexually explicit posting. Staff reserves the right to deem anything they see fit as inappropriate.
3.) Have fun and don't post anything not geared at having fun!
4.) Please respect staff members and their decisions at all times. If you cannot accept a staff or moderator decision, please appeal to admin Seth.



Forum locked This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  Page 2 of 2
  [ 12 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2
  Previous topic | Next topic 
Author Message
OmegaXII
 Post subject: Re: A Thousand Suns
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 10:38 am 
Lieutenant Major
Lieutenant Major
 Profile

Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2011 3:24 pm
Posts: 2325
Location: no location for you
Gender: female
awesome so far keep going
the sentence where it says "I had to get away from that seen." it should be scene

_________________
Image
Image
PSN: aLpHaOmEgAXII

Top
 

MmCm6
 Post subject: Re: A Thousand Suns
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 6:00 pm 
Lieutenant Major
Lieutenant Major
User avatar
 Profile

Joined: Fri Feb 12, 2010 6:02 pm
Posts: 1373
Location: Not at liberty to tell.
Gender: male
Pretty good so far, but that scene with the guy shooting the others was sorta out of place. It's obvious that there was confusion and panic, but both don't seem to warrant a somewhat random act of violence. If you could have envisioned it as an act of getting a mode of transportation or clearing out an occupied safe zone, then that would have made more sense. Or if you want to keep the mood of confusion begetting violence, then you could get a similar effect by saying that instead of shooting, the guy starting ramming people with his car in an effort to escape, and that would have been consistent with the character's thoughts. (he's in a vehicle, and he's panicking as well, so he would've done the same if he was in a similar situation)

Anyways looking forward to the rest. :)

_________________
Image

So yeah, I'm the guy everyone eventually hates.

[Advice for the New Player Here]

Top
 

Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Forum locked This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  Page 2 of 2
  [ 12 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Board indexBoard index » Battle Dawn Forum » Non-Battle Dawn Boards » Off-Topic

All times are UTC - 5 hours



You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
cron

Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group  
Copyright Tacticsoft Ltd. 2008   
Updated By phpBBservice.nl